Drunk or hungover – without drinking

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By Sophie Ann

My fingers itch to write, see the words pace across the screen and then read the beauty that I have produced even when the entire world around me is crashing to its knees. Today. Today has been a bad day. Stomach raging like a screaming child, ears ringing with sounds of students knocking me into walls as I amble towards a new end, eyes drooping with lack of sleep, but a raw energy makes me want to sing, dance, and do more things than I ever can imagine on a good day.

The sway of the world

I feel drunk, but I know I haven’t had a drop of alcohol in the past 2 days and 4 hours. I feel drunk a lot, days at school, just walking to the bathroom at 3 am, when reading an indulging book I just can’t put down. I feel the sway of the world, words jittering on a page, head pounding in anger, unsure of its surroundings. Leaning on a wall for support, my steps stumble noticeably by habit, losing my balance in thin air like the puppet master dropped his strings. Misspelt words and tangents of sentences confuse the late mind; when I reread the phrases, I mutter incorrectly.

I’m not drunk. I’m not an alcoholic. I know I’m not. But I forget. Late night, early afternoon, evening dinner conversations, simple things I do, I don’t remember within the next hour of the day, next week or next few minutes. Maybe I’m living a double-minded life – two people, one mind? – I can’t put my finger on it.

Drunk or hungover – which is worse?

I feel both drunk and hungover all the time, and I’m not sure which I’d prefer. Being drunk is stupid: irrational decisions and not remembering what they were until sometime after. Being hungover involves loud noises being unbearable, ill symptoms, tiredness and regrets.

I really don’t know which is worse.

Reproduced with permission, originally posted on insightsofastranger