Living with Bipolar Disorder: Fear, The Ugly

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By Wendy K. Williamson

The reason I love the Universe is because it always gives me what I need, when I need it. And I do believe it has a quirky sense of humor, too.

Once, my car slid on black ice off a country road into a ditch. My car was totaled. Wouldn’t you know, my rental was the exact same make, model and color? I mean, what are the odds? Thousands-to-one I would guess, at least.

Gosh I love things like that.

Be aware of your fear

Anyway, today I was looking for my “BP Hope” folder for the blog I had started, when I found an inspirational list of quotes. I can’t even explain how I landed on it since it was filed wrong, but I thought I was meant to land there since I did. So, here is one of the quotes:

“Be aware of your fear and move through it by breathing deeply and being present with your experience in that moment.” -Paul Ferrini

I have absolutely no idea who Paul Ferrini is, but this is well said and I should add I needed his advice today. I fear many things and situations and can always use advice. Breathe is also the title of a little piece of post-art school grad art I bought in Hoboken a few months ago. I knew my desk area, notably myself, needed it. When I saw “Breathe” with the price tag of $10.00 – the exact amount in my wallet – I knew we were destined to be together. It was once again the message for me. (It even matches the walls!)

Fear often rules my life

I do know that fear often rules my life and fear and anxiety go hand-in-hand, not a good combo for people with bipolar disorder. It’s such a huge detour to success for me and I seem to be equipped with a trigger that is aimed at my foot! Fear, forgiveness and acceptance seem to be facets on the same eraser.

Fear and breathing, ah how they are so interconnected. Breathe in faith I once heard, and breathe out fear. I believe that was in yoga or something. When I practice this little exercise or mantra, correction, when I remember to practice this, it is a fantastic visualization. Goodbye fear, at least until we meet again!

I need to lose this fear

Getting rid of fear is always at the top of my “to do” list so Mr. Ferrini’s quote will only add more tape to my wall. It shall earn the new spot of honor right next to my little piece of art.

And yes, message was received loud and clear if the Universe was sending it. Clearly, I need to lose this fear. Maybe not by solely breathing or forgiving – my theme for the first half of the year – but somehow by removing it. Prayer? Writing? Breathing? I don’t know what will move this boulder, but I will keep pushing it.

Thanks, Universe and Paul. You rock!

www.wendykwilliamson.com @bipolarwendy

www.twobipolarchicks.com @2bipolarchicks

Reproduced with permission, originally posted on bphope