Skin Picking: The Urge and Feeling Like a Failure

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By Tina Blacksmith

“Even the unexpected setbacks can bring new and positive possibilities. If you so choose, you can find value and fulfilment in every circumstance.”

~ Ralph Marston
__________________________

I started feeling like a failure

This morning I checked my inbox to see the weekly email from the OCD Center of Los Angeles.

I really needed to see that quote. I’ve been berating myself the past few days after I started picking my skin again. I started feeling like a failure, like I have no control over my life.

I’ve been picking my skin for well over a decade. It started in high school. A guy looked at my thumbs (my area of choice) and asked, “Why are your thumbs so red?” and I was so ashamed.

It’s gotten so bad before that I’ve looked down to see blood running down my thumb without realizing it.

A very strong urge

Picking comes down to one thing: satisfying a very strong urge. Being in stressful situations used to push my picking over the limit. It’s like a rush when you pick and pick until your skin bleeds or becomes red and swollen. It’s as though my brain won’t shut up until I’ve spent an hour picking. And even then the urge is still there.

I’m not sure what caused me to start picking again (maybe it’s my choice of some pretty heavy reading material lately), but I’ve been down this road so many times. It’s hard not to be disappointed when I slip up again. Skin picking is a real disorder. It’s not a matter of “Just quit picking.” I need to remember that setbacks are part of life. A setback does not make me a failure.

Reproduced with permission, originally posted on chasingoutthedarkness

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