Dear, former self, I'm so sorry you're hurting

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By Victoria Jane

I’m so sorry that you are hurting right now, I really am. The pain inside your heart and your head is so excruciating that you are unable to breath properly. No one understands how you are feeling at this moment in time; worthless, petrified, exhausted and completely alone, only me. I know that you’re desperate for people to understand how you are truly feeling and understand what you’ve been through. If they did, perhaps they wouldn’t inflict so much cruelty and pain in your world, only kindness and love.

Today you received a piece mail that has completely destroyed you and your self-worth. Up until that point, you were the happiest you had ever been in a very long time. You deserve to be happy, feel loved, appreciated and cherished. You heart is so kind and I wish you could believe that by simply falling in love with someone who cherishes you, all of you, is such a beautiful experience and one that you completely deserve more than anyone else I know right now.

I wish you could believe that the cruel words you have just read and breaking your heart over, are simply just words alone without any true meaning justification. These words are written by someone who never loved or appreciated you. Someone who used you, sapped all your energy away from you and made you feel worse than you already felt. Words by someone who never supported you financially or emotionally, who made you doubt every single area of your life. Someone who constantly put you down and never apologised for the cruelty they inflicted on you. This person ultimately wants to see you fail, be broken and feel unloved. I wish I could make you believe that the words that you have read are simply not true, that you really are the strongest person I have ever known and you are worth so much more.

I wish I could tell you that this person will try anything to destroy your happiness and want to see you crumble. They will tell the world how awful you really are and they will try anything to come between you and love. They will convince other people that you are not worthy of anyone else’s love and affection. That you are a liar, a cheat and constantly remind you repeatedly how sincerely worthless you are. Do not listen.

Please believe me when I say that these cruel words aren’t true. I am begging you to not let words destroy you and push people who truly love you away, because you will and you will be left heartbroken all over again. Please try not to rebel against any kind of love because you feel that you are not worthy of it. Because you are worthy, even if you don’t feel it right now.

You are good enough. I cannot stress this enough. You work your complete arse off in all areas of your life. You may not be the best at everything, but who is? You’re juggling so much right now, you wear your heart on your sleeve and you are stronger than you think.

Please don’t punish yourself too much over the people who want to see you fail. Do not self-destruct, just because you see no other way out. Trust more in the people who deserve your trust. Cherish the love that you are feeling right now. Believe that you are loved and deserve to be loved by the ones who truly do love you.

Believe in yourself, I can promise you this… you will find your way, you will fight through the hurt, eventually learning to realise that the cruel words that you have just read are simply words from someone who no longer deserves to be in your thoughts. You will learn that the people who love you and believe in you the most will stay by your side, encourage you, bring out the best in you and will love you no matter what.

Dear former self, I love you, I believe in you and I promise you that truly beautiful things will happen for you in the near future.

Ps, never wear a black bra under a white shirt, it makes you look like a tart, even if its purely accidental. Also, do not ask that barman for his number, although he is insanely attractive, he will distract you from your studies. Do not post a million drunken quotes on social media ffs. Or message said boyfriend lengthy essay type messages declaring your undying love for him…you’ll appear insane and eventually he may side with your twit head of an ex. Stay strong and focused. Oh and eat xx

Reproduced with permission, originally posted here