Dealing With Anxiety And Depression

By Avion Anderson

Even though  I am over thirty years of age, almost hitting forty, I still feel like a totally broken girl. I feel shattered to pieces under the huge and heavy weight of hardship and heartbreak. Not to mention an ailing mind, with everything falling apart right before my eyes.

There’s nothing I can do, to fix it, because I am trapped in a never-ending nightmare.

Rise or Be Swept Away

I know that everyone has to go through the thunderstorms, hurricanes, a tornado or two, even a tidal wave during their lifetime.

It’s these circumstances and situations, that tests us. Are we able to find our strength and ability to either rise above it? Or will we be swept away?

I Am Isolated

Most times, the learning process and endurance, can take so much out of us that it pushes us. Our minds and even our bodies are pushed to the limit. For me, I tend to get my anxiety and depressive state-of-mind confused with post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

There’s no escaping this monster and it seems to control my entire life. It has confined me to a life of isolation, which the only point of contact are the people residing in the same house and community with me. I wouldn’t say country, because I barely leave my home and community.

If I do leave, it’s mostly to go the library, the grocery store, my barber and my psychologist (which is still being debated, I haven’t gone to any session with the new one yet.)

What Does One Have To Do

I was never diagnosed with PTSD, which is a good thing, but sometimes it surely feels like I am suffering from that disorder too. Anxiety and depression makes one feel like they are suffering with more than just mental illness.

A multiple of other illnesses, even physical ones, makes it hard to get out of bed, to bathe, brush one’s teeth and get on with their day.

What does one have to do to make life easier to live with a mental illness, such as anxiety and depression?

That’s Not Me

I am still trying to find the answers to that. Also, my other mental illnesses such as bipolar disorder, social anxiety disorder and schizoid personality disorder. I am gradually overcoming social anxiety disorder and schizoid personality disorder, yet I still fear large crowds and partying.

I am an island girl, a born, bred and raised Caribbean girl. Carnival might be my country’s culture, but it doesn’t define me. That’s just like my mental illness is not me and I am not a party girl, never liked been at the centre of attention.

That’s not me.

Depression-Anxiety

I had given up my seven days week long yoga and meditation challenge for the while. That doesn’t mean that I have never given up on trying to find other easier ways. This helps to get my anxiety, stress-level and depression under control and overcoming them, the natural way.

Writing in my journals and typing away on my laptop, has helped a great deal.

Starting this blog helps me control my anxiety when I get overly anxious, and also reading about other mental health, wellness, fashion, lifestyles. Even travel bloggers who I follow are doing it.

The comments and emails which I receive, whether good or bad, has helped me when I am feeling my lowest. The bad emails, I try to avoid as much as possible in the times when I am at my total lowest.

Yoga Helps

I look and surf the internet for other easier alternative meditation. For ways which would not put my mind and body into more despair, as it’s in now. That is why I’m starting mindfulness. I believe this is the best way and also I am considering purchasing some essential oils and the yoga mat.

Now, I just have to work up an appetite, by eating healthy. I also need to try to going the natural way (plant-based food and herbal teas and smoothies rather than sweet treats, and less on the caffeine and sweet drinks).

I would also have to cleanse my body of all the toxins and purify my mind.

Finding a Good Job Would Help

Finding sleeping methods and ways to have a restful night is much harder than I ever thought. However, I am still trying best to get as much rest and sleep in the night as possible.

Work-wise, I have not started looking for another job and I don’t plan to. It is totally against my mother’s better judgement. She wants me to get off my laptop, get out of my room and the house and go find myself a good job.

I am afraid of going through another mental breakdown recurrence which I might not be able to recover from. So, I decided to use my laptop and my blog to start my business venture. I do so as a mental health lifestyle blogger and writer, which is slow, but things will pick up.

Having a Long Way to Go

I can’t take having so much bad days, where the bad outweighs the good. So, I need to start becoming positive and taking more active steps and role in my recovery to get my life on track.

I have to confess, it is so much more difficult, for it’s easier to say than it’s to be put into action. Also, still my hardest thing is to get things done.

I am working on me, and where I want to go in my life. I’m moving forward, although I still have a very, very, long, long way to go.

My Journey Has Just Begun

I hope that whatever journey that you are on, you are able to come up with the best way that work for you. Also I hope you are able to hold on and ride it out through to the end.

Please don’t forget that you are not alone, I am right there with you and we are going to ride this all the way together.

Reproduced with permission, originally posted on avionneslegacy

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