Not Enough Monsters: Werewolf-me vs My Mind

By Alan D.D.

There have been days when I’ve been perfectly fine. Everything is flowing easily, my mind is totally focused on what it is doing. Also on what I have to do. Then out of nowhere, a beast comes out and tries to shatter me and eat me alive. It is hungry, bloodthirsty, and fights just like that.

Sometimes, my mind turns into a werewolf.

No Moon intended

The interesting thing is that it has nothing to do with the Full Moon, not always.

I do feel more emotional due to the satellite and its energy. Yet despite what others may think, even if it’s daytime or New Moon, the beast comes out whenever it likes.

It emerges whenever it thinks it’s allowed. And just like that, I’m in a deep hole.

I have been paying attention.

Yes, there may be some catalysts. Some signs that serve as an alert to know it is about to break free so I can prevent it, but sometimes the beast comes out all of a sudden. It is not playing fair, and doing whatever it wants.

My mind turns against itself, against me and everything I am doing at the moment.

People tend just to tell me:

“Just don’t have those episodes”

“Keep yourself under control”

“Put yourself together”

If you’ve ever said anything like that to anyone with mental health issues, trust me on this one, it’s never that easy. It’s human willpower against a mental, invisible beast only we can see.

I got my silver bullets

However, just like in the legends, there comes a time when the Sun rises, putting the beasts to sleep.

Time has taught me a lot. Despite this I’ve lost some fights and won many more. I’ve been able to rip its skin to shreds.

There are hardly words that can describe the satisfaction you feel after the battle.

Trapped

Years ago, I was trapped. I was a scared boy and the victim of the big, bad wolf, like many characters in the tales I listened to as a child.

My pride was hurt. I was overpowered, as if there was nothing to be done, but I was deadly wrong.

Since I fought back for the first time, I win more often than before.

Now my beast comes out, but only when that first monster tries to make any move.

I have learned from it how to play dirty and how to put it on its knees.

Also I know now how to break free, face it every single time it comes to me.

I feel no more fear, only the same thirst it used to feel before.

In the end, I got my silver bullets.

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