I’d had anxiety and depression for the last 2/3 years. This was exacerbated by the death of a grandchild and two other significant losses within the month.
I had always struggled with social anxiety but as a Nurse I stepped into character and was usually OK, no I was better than OK I was a really good nurse.
I Began To Suffer Massive Panic Attacks
However with multiple losses and a feeling of hopelessness at being unable to give my family answers and to save my grandson it began to impact on my Nursing life and I began to suffer massive panic attacks.
I was totally honest with management about my depression and anxiety and at first they accommodated my needs. I was still productive and made a difference I just needed a safe haven a friendly ear whenever I was drowning.
But then it changed.I remember it distinctively.
My Anxiety Increased
My immediate manager became distant. She would say ” I cannot afford to get emotionally attached”
Or “there is no emotion in my staffing decisions” How can you care if you don’t feel?
Then they started moving me around different locations and just exacerbating the uncertainty of my day which increased my anxiety.
They knew I was on two antidepressants, one of which was sedating, they knew I struggled with change but they continued to push me.
Perhaps it was tough love! It was certainly tough.
“I don’t get you”
Eventually I was told I had to officially mentor students again! More paperwork more stress more pressures. I hadn’t done it for 2 years yet now they were pursuing me.
My Service Manager held a meeting with me.” I don’t get you, she said”
And that was the crux of it. I had no issue taking a student out with me I just didn’t want the extra stress of the paperwork/ new pebble pads! !
They were relentless in their wish to push me into it.
34 Years Nursing Finished
I contacted my Union and we launched a grievance against them for not making reasonable adjustments.
The grievance was upheld and I had won.
However such was the negative response to the whole situation I felt I had no option but to resign.
So that is what I did. 34 years nursing finished.
If the NHS can’t look after their staff what chance do the patients have?
I am 1 in 4.