At 22, I was diagnosed with a chronic mental illness. I had just suffered a psychotic break after receiving a work visa to another country. I moved over there and the illness got out of hand and the emotions of the illness were too much; there were also issues with harassment and bullying in my workplace.
Turned away from hospital
Although I warned a staff member at the hospital, I was turned away, desperate for relief and not wanting to continue living with so much pain . I took 160 pills of clonazepam with the hope it would kill me and I would get peace. I felt my life was worthless, I couldn’t talk about mental health: I thought that if my friends found out the truth they would hate me or think I am crazy and that my family couldn’t stand me. So what did I have left to lose, was my mentality.
I’m lucky to be alive
My roommate at the time found me and I was in ICU for 24 hours and hospital 4 days. I am very lucky to be alive and grateful I did not succeed. This was 2013, and now 4 years later I own a home and I’m back in school, studying social work. I started this blog to tell my story and write about mental illness. My own personal goal is make it less taboo and to be a helpful source to people in need. If you’re ever contemplating suicide, please, contact a loved one. Remember your feelings are only temporary: things do and will get better.
Now we talk about mental health openly
Oh I opened to all my close friends and family, they still loved me even with the diagnosis. In fact they themselves had a mental health issue too or family member with an issue. We just never talked about it, now that is changed and my close friends and I talk about mental health all the time! We support each other and we advocate for ourselves and others. I was completely wrong about how people would view this diagnosis, and can show how opening up may literally save your life.
Reproduced with permission, originally posted on sexyfearlessfierce