By Ben

There’s something wrong with me. I know this for sure. But however bad things get, I always make a comeback from depression.

When I was 14 or 15, I was diagnosed with depression, and maybe that’s what’s wrong with me. I had therapy and came out of it better, but within a few months I was back to feeling the same. I seem to go through months of pure bliss happiness and then months of crippling depression. This seems to sound more like bipolar.

I don't really know what's wrong with me or why I have episodes of depression. But I've made a comeback from depression every time and will keep doing so

Then there is also the crippling loneliness I feel sometimes, probably due to the fact that I’m not very good at carrying friends through various situations. I have one friend left over from school, one from college and none from university. I have them on Facebook but I don’t talk to them often. It’s the same with work.

So maybe I have some emotional isolation going on. Maybe I also have depression or bipolar, a combination of two, or maybe all three.

Recognising my downturns

Perhaps I should go to the doctor and get help, but at the moment I feel that I can handle these issues. I may be saying this because I’m on the back end of 11 months of crippling depression and things feel and seem much more hopeful than they did 2 months ago. But regardless of that, I have always overcome the negative issues I’ve had. I’ve made a comeback from depression every time.

I’ve been pretty good at identifying when I’m on a downturn. I’ve noticed the same behaviours that occur on a downturn such as overeating unhealthy foods on a regular basis, smoking, poor hygiene and laziness. I think this helps me. I’m not sure how it helps to see the signs, as it never prevents the downturns or even stalls them. But I feel it gives me some sort of advantage over it.

On the up again

I can also recognise when I’m coming to an upturn. Then I go to the gym. This way I gain muscle and lose fat through eating better foods. Stopping smoking becomes a lot easier to deal with, and I have a real motivation to do things. This is what I’m experiencing at the moment of writing this.

I’ve now been struggling with this, whatever this is, for 15 years, as I was misdiagnosed with anger management issues aged 12. Regardless  of how long anyone has been suffering with the mental ailment they have, it’s important to know that they can make it through and make a comeback.

That’s not to say that there won’t be the hardest times but there will be better times and great times. I have had great times and times when only the texture of a curb kept me alive. Again, maybe that’s bipolar but regardless, the comeback is on.

My comeback from depression

There’s something wrong with me.

There’s definitely something wrong with me but I’ve taken the beating in the ring, the crowd wants me to keep going but I can’t. Then, something happens, and I start to believe. I start nodding my head, urging myself on. I’m getting to my feet and I’m pumping my arms in sync with my head…

The comeback is on.

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