The Ying and Yang of BPD
By Joshua

I am a 20 year old gay man from the UK, and I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) just over a year ago. The ‘Borderline’ part really hurt, which I think is true for many of us with the diagnosis. At first, I felt like the doctors thought I was lying. I honestly felt really embarrassed. It was hard to come to terms with my condition. However after a few consultations with doctors, its newer name made more sense – Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder.

come to terms with my condition

Please, don’t be embarrassed

To those reading, I ask, whether you have BPD or another condition, please do not be embarrassed about it. I think in this last year I have felt myself start to come to terms with my condition. Doctors encourage conversation about your condition with family, while in my case it helped bring me and my partner Sean together.

My father ignored my message

However, I don’t want to sugarcoat it. My father and I had been distant at best even beforehand. He kept saying to my siblings that I was doing nothing with my life. After plucking up the confidence to message my father, with my partner helping me, my father read the message and days went by. He ignored my message and when i saw him weeks later he dared not talk about it. I still to this day cry and feel empty because of the lack of empathy from him. But I don’t want to scare anyone about telling their loved ones.

Telling my partner and mother has really helped me

To sum up, I think it’s important to embrace your diagnosis and come to terms with your condition, as I have, and not to be embarrassed. I often read medical journals and studies to help me to understand my condition. Reading helps to keep it distant and not personal, because at times it can be overwhelming. While the incident with my father still affects me very much today, telling my partner Sean, my mother, and others, has really helped me. My point is that while you might not get the response you want every time, there will still always be those that want to help. I find that makes every day so much easier.

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