I was startled when I heard the sudden knock on my door. It was pre-dawn, who could be it be? I wondered. I opened the door and I froze. Clad in black with a shawl draped around its neck and a leather bag slung over its shoulders was a feared being called Depression. Depression was at my doorstep and I could not welcome it with open arms, neither could I find the strength to chase it away. I was trying hard to think rationally and call for help but I could not. My mouth turned dry, my pulse quickened and my head began to whirl. It forced its way through into my sacred space and poured itself a cup of coffee. How polite, I thought.
Depression was there
And in that moment, the fire burning in the fireplace that has been keeping me warm is suddenly blown out and I find myself in a cold and dark house. Not alone at least, well of course, Depression was there. All of my dreams and aspirations have gone up in the air and became a foreign thought in a matter of minutes within its forceful entry. Depression removed its shoes, eased back into its armchair and sipped its coffee. It cleared its throat, breaking the eerie silence. I looked up.
‘How are you going to tell your lecturers that you missed 2 weeks of lessons because of me?’
‘How are you going to explain that I made getting ready for school was a herculean task?’
‘How are you going to explain to your mother that I gathered the ghosts from your childhood
to work with me in this heist?’
It laughed menacingly before posing yet another question.
‘Ahh and how do you tell that friend of yours whom is celebrating his 21st that you were unable to attend his birthday gathering because you were exhausted and crippled from the billion, or wait .. was it trillion thoughts I put in your head?
‘But most importantly, how are you going to assure yourself that you’re going to be okay after our encounter tonight?
With that, it finished its coffee and went straight for my valuables – my motivation, my strength, my sanity, my joy, my peace but most importantly, my sense of self. It casually threw them into its sling bag and headed straight for the door.
‘Thank you for the company, oh and the coffee and the gifts too. See you again.’
That was the night my house was broken into. That was what my depression felt like.