‘Recovery.’ People often use this word when talking about mental health. Recovery is something that is especially hard for people with BPD.
The fundamental problem with recovery for people with BPD is that their brains haven’t developed the way other people’s have. They have developed ways to cope, which in the short term help, but in the long term actually make matters worse.
Getting on the right medication
As I’ve only recently received my diagnosis, the process I am going through initially is to get on the right medication. Before my diagnosis I already had a prescription of Venlafaxine. It was prescribed mainly for my anxiety. But now I am also on Quetiapine.
When my mental health nurse suggested Quetiapine I felt scared at first, as it is an anti-psychotic. This is scary when the only mental health medication you’ve taken is a bog standard anti-depressant. After a lot of tweaking, from initially being on 50 mg to now increasing to 150 mg, I can’t see any significant changes. The only change is how much I am sleeping. It’s taking me HOURS to get motivated when I wake up. But I know it’s early days. It’s going to take a while for my body to get used to it.
Maybe it’s about becoming resilient
I’ve been thinking a lot about recovery this week, mainly because I am 28 in a week’s time. I’m feeling really scared at the prospect of being 28 with this new diagnosis. I’ve lived most of my life in this cycle of BPD. And I’ve not been feeling very hopeful that I am ever going to recover. But maybe that’s ok. Maybe it’s not about recovering but becoming resilient.
I am not going to be 30 and in the position I am now. I feel determined about that.
Reproduced with permission, originally posted on aborderlinepersonalityblog