By Alan D.D.
I can foresee the bad looks coming as soon as this is published. If you’re your worst enemy and fight your mind every day, why would you want to feel a heartbreak? What good could it do to someone mentally and emotionally unstable? I can understand the confusion, but you’d be surprised if you knew. It’s strengthened my inner voice.
A chamber of tortures
Having a relationship is dangerous for anyone. As Stephanie Meyer said in her novel New Moon, “The more you loved someone, the less sense anything made”. The whole world starts to go around that person and only that person: their smiles, their laughter, their happiness. And the less you care about yours.
When it ends, you wake up at the bottom of a dark, nasty pit with no light to guide you, and that’s when depression takes its chance to break your bones, one by one, until you cannot walk anymore on your own. Was I not good enough? Did they get tired of me and my problems? Am I that insignificant? Questions like those start to control our brains.
It’s a complete hell, a torture and a nightmare you cannot break from, a situation that has driven many to the edge of sanity because they thought that that one love would mean their salvation, and at some point, it became that thing. But instead of looking at it like a chamber of tortures, I prefer to learn from it.
The pit teaches a thing or two
I wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for those negative feelings. I’m even thankful I had the chance to live them. They made work a little bit harder, made my skin a little bit thicker, made me that much wiser. In the end, they made me a fighter (what do you think of my Christina-Aguilera-kind-of moment?)
Now I know what I can expect from a relationship, how I react when people I care about let me down. I can feel when they lie to me, when things are fine and when they are too good to be true. No-one can play with my body, my mind, my feelings or my heart now that I’ve gone through so many break ups, and that’s something nothing can teach you but that same pit I visited so many times.
I’ve trained my own inner voice
Ghosts from yesterday still come to me and whisper me all my faults, everything I did wrong, and say that I allowed the break ups to break me, my mind and my whole self. But I’ve trained my own inner voice to shoot a gun at their faces and shout, loud and clear, that it’s thanks to those mistakes that I am what I am today.