For me, part of having BPD means having a difficult time believing people when they compliment you. It’s hard to believe when they tell you they love you, or when they say they care about you. These feelings are accompanied by feelings of total isolation and paranoia.
I sometimes feel like the people I love the most are the ones who are secretly out to destroy me. By over analyzing every word and every movement, I easily feel slighted. If I feel someone wasn’t as “loving” as they were to me the other day, then they are automatically deemed liars.
They Never Cared About Me, They Hate Me, and They Think I’m Stupid and Annoying
My mind becomes filled with distorted thoughts about the people closest to me. I begin to devalue everyone and hole myself up in my room to stay away from them. For in my mind, I am nothing but a burden to the people around me.
Paranoia: My Mind is Always Worried
I’m always worried that people secretly hate me, but sometimes I go through bouts where it’s 5x more intense than just plain old worrying. During the extreme periods of paranoia, I become filled with rage, loneliness and fear. I will close everyone out for a while and sometimes say things I don’t mean or act in very hurtful and unloving ways. When my thinking is that distorted, I begin to hate myself the most.
The paranoid thoughts that everyone is out to get you can be one of the most troubling symptoms of BPD. Your guard is constantly on high alert, and when triggered, the people around you become your worst enemies.