One thing that no one understands, is that my mental illness will never just disappear. It is a part of me, and I am stuck with it for life. It has become my best friend, and my worst enemy, all at once. I have no way of putting an end to our relationship. You don’t just overcome depression, you simply get better at handling it.
I Have Learned To Turn and Scream
Sure, I can detach myself from our friendship every once in a while. I can forget to call her, screen her texts, and pretend that she doesn’t bother me. However, she will always creep back into my life at any time, just to stir things up a little bit, and I have no choice but to let her. I must use what I have learned along the way to turn her screams into a quiet grumble.
It’s okay not to be okay. The first thing I had to do in CBT, was determine a word or saying that I could tell myself when I need a reminder that I am not worthless.
I Got the Words I Use Tattooed on My Body
I immediately jumped to the 6 words that my dad always says to me when I’m feeling a little extra crazy. After reciting this to myself for 6 years, and writing these words in every journal, I got them tattooed on my body. They are there for when I need them. With these words I can remember to breathe.
These words have become part of me, as the tattoo is permanent, the same way as depression.
Even after so many years of self-help and recovery, I experience bouts of depression. But that’s okay.
I have learned to cope with my sadness, manage my anxious worries, and live with the frustration that comes with having both.
I Have Learned How to Feel the Emotions
Depression can never be totally overcome, you simply get better at handling it.
You learn to accept the fact that depression will never be destroyed completely, although you may leave it battered and bruised.
Also, you allow yourself to feel the emotions you don’t necessarily want to feel because you can.
Reproduced with permission, originally published here