Not too long ago, a dear friend of mine committed suicide. I had never felt emotion quite like I did the next day when I was told. What made it even worse for me was that I had been with them mere hours before they died. From that point on, my mental health took a dangerous dive. My emotions ranged from crying, to self harm, to suicidal thoughts. I was too brave.
I Was Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder
Over the next 18 months I learned a lot about myself. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and was prescribed medication. But all the tablets I took and treatment I underwent didn’t seem to stem the torrent of negativity that was raging through my mind. I felt that I couldn’t cope anymore. It was then I decided that I should end my life.
Clearly I failed. I blamed my nerves for not allowing me to. I kept saying to myself “You’re not brave enough to do it.” These negative thoughts propelled me even further into my depression.
No, I am Too Brave
But one day, out of the blue, a thought struck my mind that hadn’t occurred to me. I started saying to myself “No, you’re too brave to do it.” It was from that moment on that I realised that despite the pain and struggle, one day it would get better.
And surely enough, things began to improve. By simply changing my outlook on life and death I saw that fighting through my problems, rather than making the ultimate choice, would lead me to better and brighter places. My relationship with my family and friends improved, I found myself a job and I began to take part in activities more and more.
By Making a Simple Change of Words, I Changed My Life
The message I want everyone to take from my story is that no matter how bad it gets, you are brave enough and strong enough to pull through. Keep battling on, it will get better.