I’m about to cut
By Alan D.D.

Mind is breaking, nerves are wilder than never before, cannot stop crying, and something hurts a lot inside.  Been there, perfectly know the feeling, and did the same thing you’re about to do.  You’re about to cut.  There were times I gave up and cut, but there were others, more than the times I lost the fight, that I refused and fought back.

I’m about to cut

Are you about to cut?

You’re about to hide inside who-knows-where to forever mark your skin, to lose a battle you can still win, to give up on everything you’ve done so far.  We both know you feel weaker than ever, that the pain inside is just too much to deal with.  But to wash your hurt in blood will do anything but help you.

Yes, you will feel better, yes, you will breathe again, but then you will have to deal with the issue of having a physical problem.  We already are enemies with our own minds, we already fight our brains every single day, do we need to fight our bodies as well?  Not today, not tomorrow, and not ever.

Stop for a second, don’t move, don’t blink, don’t think about anything else but you.  Do you deserve to feel more pain that you already have inside?  Do you think you have to be punished for something for which you are not to blame?  I don’t, and deep, deep inside, there’s a little voice screaming to you telling the same.  Listen to it.  Just stop, stop it all, and listen to it.

Are you alone? If you are, put on your favourite song, cry, write, scream, run around the table, do whatever you can to burn off that rush of toxic energy.  If you are not, hide, go ahead, but look at yourself in the mirror, right into your own eyes, let the tears burn as much as they want, let them go down, but don’t you dare to give up.

We’re the bravest of them all

There’s nothing worse than being your own worst enemy, nothing more fearful than being scared of yourself, and you deserve the best just for dealing with it every single day, for fighting with no rest.  We’re Warriors, we’re the bravest of them all, because, and mark my words, not everyone can deal with this, and you and I, both of us, have done it for far too long.

We know how to fight, we know how to win, but sometimes the hurt is deep inside.  Don’t let it go the way it wants to, don’t let it destroy you more than it has already done.  You can do this, you can tame the demons.  You’ve done it before, they’re just angrier this time, but I know you can do it.  I swear that you can.  May I be shattered by a thunderbolt if I’m lying.

One step at a time.  Wash your face, look into the mirror, read what you just wrote, repeat the song over and over again.  And then, when there’s nothing left inside, breathe once again, and go back to whatever you were doing.

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  1. giggles&tears 4th November 2017 at 10:06 pm -
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