After the #metoo campaign took off, thousands of women began sharing their stories across social media. Alyssa Milano urged other women to reply with a simple #metoo if they had been victims of sexual assault.
I am sharing my story. I have never told anyone this besides my husband. It scarred me for a long time. I felt dirty, gross, shameful. I contemplated suicide because I felt it was my fault.
I was abused as a child. This left me feeling unloved and alone.
I can recall my brother pushing me to the ground and lifting up my shirt although I had told him to stop. My grandma had told me she saw my dad grab my breasts.
It started when I was 11 or 12. My teen years were very difficult. A relative took advantage of me. As a result of the physical abuse I had gone through I had no friends because I had no confidence or self-esteem. She knew what I had been through and yet she said “if you don’t do it I won’t be your friend anymore”. It’s very hard to go into details (as I said before, I felt very shamed over this).
My mind was already warped psychologically and I foolishly believed she was a real friend, the ONLY friend I had. This went on a few years. It makes me want to puke when I think about it. This person was controlling and I sometimes hate myself for not standing up for myself or staying away. I think I truly hated her but at the same time I felt so very alone I must have been afraid.
Not Your Fault
As an adult I now see it wasn’t my fault. I think when women are raped society puts the blame on them. “Don’t dress like a slut”, “don’t act like one and you won’t get raped”. Therefore these women think they are to blame. They are NOT. These victims are not dirty. Women are not asking for it by wearing a dress and heels or going to a party.
I think it starts with parents teaching their sons to respect women. I know how it feels to be so ashamed, to hate yourself so much that you want to die. I’m sure many victims feel that way. It takes a long time to realize the fault does not lie with you.
I am glad Alyssa has stepped forward and encouraged women to share their stories. These are the kinds of things we need more of on social media. We need to raise awareness. It’s the only way things will change.