I have always been a creative person, and have always known myself as one. Fairly early on in my counselling sessions, it became clear that my creative personality was being ignored. I wasn’t expressing my creativity day to day, and I needed to. This meant that I felt like there was a little Sara-Jane on the inside screaming to get out and express herself.
Working on expressing my creativity
I’d completely lost myself, partly due to the fact that I was not being creative and acknowledging this very important part of me. I had to set to work on expressing my creativity, and I started making things for myself, mostly in the build up to Christmas. I can’t remember the chain of events that then started Lala with Love decorations, like these:
Using the dough was really therapeutic and healing when I needed it most, and to have people like and want to buy things that I made really boosted my self esteem. My first counsellor wanted me to write a journal. At the time this was hard. I mostly ended up drawing and doodling, but the rediscovery of expressing my creativity had finally begun.
I started out unable to write
This is how I started, unable to write at this point and only able to doodle, but this was how I was feeling, empty with nothing to give. I see these now and I think, wow, I was really low and trying to pour from an empty cup! It does improve, I promise it is not all this bleak. My current counsellor really wanted me to embrace this creativity. We did a session where I imagined what I would be doing on an ideal day. I was in a house by the sea, like a town house, with canvasses everywhere and paint and brushes and half drunk cups of tea and just mess! Looking out over the sea and just being me! She really wanted me to buy some paints and explore how I was feeling…this happened!
So yeah, this happened. I’m sorry if these worry you. they certainly worried Tim. This was how I was feeling, and still do, sometimes. The left represents the noise around me and the mess of thoughts in my head, and then the other is the brain fog, you just cannot see for the clouds! Tim had such a strong reaction to these that I tried some thing different.
I tried to paint something that he would like, and as much as he did like it, it wasn’t expressive enough for me. It didn’t satisfy the itch!
I find myself doodling to explore how I’m feeling
Sometimes I find myself doodling to explore how I am feeling about something. In this case, it was something that was brought up with my counsellor, about the fact that I don’t really cry anymore, even when she can see that I am upset about things that we are talking about. I keep them in, and the tears just will not flow.
It has taken me a while to be able to share some of these things with you. My drawing and doodles are insights into my innermost thoughts and feelings, those things that you just cannot put into words! Now I can see a huge difference; there is more optimism in my drawings. Everywhere I look, in every notebook, diary, journal, there is a sketch, a doodle, a something. It just shows that it is a part of me and I need to be able to express it whenever and wherever.
Now I’m creative in so many ways
Now I am creative in so many ways. I doodle, draw, write, colour, paint, bake. I love to bake. My latest thing is to try and create delicious treats that are not too naughty. Avocado brownies or polenta lemon cake are some of my favourites.
I’m really struggling with brain fog this week. Please bear with me. This post has literally taken me days. I just wanted to get across to you my development through my creativity. A counsellor helped me get to this point, by making me realise that expressing my creativity was such a integral part of me! I wouldn’t have been able to deal with certain feelings, expressed how I feel to other people, or provided therapy for myself by doing something practical and sometimes tasty!
It is so important to make sure that you are doing what is you, what you need to be doing. Is there something you feel you need to do? Whatever it is…DO IT!!! Trust me.
Reproduced with permission, originally posted here