Being A Woman And A Wife With Depression And Anxiety
By Shae Hansen

I’m going to be completely honest. I have depression and anxiety. It’s not an uncommon combination to have these days, but it’s very hard for a lot of people to talk about. In this post, I specifically want to talk about how my depression has not only affected me, but how it has affected my husband.

Married with Depression and Anxiety

After my husband and I got married we went through the “honeymoon” phase like most newlyweds will. After the phase wore off and we started to become aware of each other’s issues, we discovered there was a lot of issue to wade though. Throughout the first year of our marriage we focused mainly on my husband’s depression and anxiety (yes, we both have it, and yes, it can be quite challenging).

After that first year I started to notice that I was getting more and more impatient with things. I was lashing out at my husband. This did not help his depression and anxiety in the slightest. Usually, if I wasn’t asleep, I was angry, irritated, or frustrated. I couldn’t understand why I was feeling that way.

I started shutting myself away a lot, I didn’t like to be around people, sometimes not even my husband (this negatively impacted his depression a lot). It seemed like I was forever irritated at everything in the world. I put on a good face for family and friends on the rare occasion I would venture into the realm of other people. On the outside, I would laugh and smile, but I felt so empty on the inside.

Eventually my husband decided to take me to the doctor. I was given anti-depressants and I felt a little bit better. I was definitely happier when taking them. One problem still remained though. I hated being around people. It made me nervous and uncomfortable. I was still isolating myself from the world.

Working with Depression and Anxiety

Eventually the time came for me to get a job. My husband wasn’t making enough to support us with just his job so it was up to me to help support us. This was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I got a desk job at a phone book company and because I had to be around people, I started to feel a little bit more comfortable, but not completely.

I couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to be around people, I even hated going to restaurants. It wasn’t until a few months into 2017 that I finally realize why I was having such a tough time. I found out that I have low thyroid (hypothyroidism). There were a lot of symptoms of hypothyroidism that I was exhibiting for a while and didn’t even know it. Depression, anxiety, physical and emotional isolation, irregular periods, anger, and irritability were just a few. When I started taking thyroid supplements I started to feel more outgoing and less angry. I was incredibly surprised that just that one problem could cause so many other problems.

Better, but still a way to go

Despite all of that, I still have some depression and anxiety (it does run in my family after all). I will admit it is a lot better now than it was. I still get upset with my husband (as wives will) but I don’t get irrationally angry like before. The one problem that I am still working on is the isolation part. I have not been as reluctant to go out and see people as I once was but I’ve been told it will take some time (and effort on my part) to see noteworthy results in that particular problem.

Some things that have helped me with my anxiety around people so far have been having a nightly routine (including the same bedtime every night), getting 8 hours of sleep (no more and no less), meditating, eating more protein (hard boiled eggs in particular) and less fat, and essential oils that promote calm and peacefulness (such as lavender and chamomile).

This journey of mine has been particularly hard for my husband. He was the one person I was around the most and because of that, he received the full wrath of my mood. Despite being my outlet for most of my anger, he still stayed and loved me. Even though he wasn’t feeling very much love from me. He even worried about me! I will be forever grateful to him for being with me through this difficult and emotional time in my life.

I hope that this post helped, I know how hard life is when you are dealing with depression and anxiety. Lots of love to you all out there who are suffering from the hardship of depression and anxiety!

XOXO,
-Shae

Reproduced with permission, originally posted here


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  1. […] This plan wasn’t just for me though. It was for my husband as well. As some of you may know from reading some of my other posts, we both have anxiety. Sounds super fun, right? Anyway, if I’m panicking it isn’t long before my husband follows suit. (See my posts, Having A Spouse With Anxiety & Being A Woman And A Wife With Depression And Anxiety) […]

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