how are you
By Tina Blacksmith

I have this really bad habit.  When someone asks “How are you doing?” or “How is your day going?”, I automatically respond with “Good” or “Fine”.

Responding to "How are you?" - do you say "Fine"?

I say “I’m good” but it’s not always true

You may be wondering why this is a bad habit.  In my opinion it’s a bad habit because every time I smile and say “I’m good” it’s not always true.  Even when I’m feeling like shit I can’t bring myself to just tell the TRUTH.

It’s as if my brain tricks me into believing those people don’t REALLY care how I’m feeling…that it’s just fluff to pass the time.  And guess what?  Every time my brain tells me that, I believe it.

Imagine this conversation:
“How are you today?”
“I’m nervous. I feel insecure. I have these thoughts in my head that scare me.”
Now imagine the other person looking at you with a shocked or confused look on their face.  Or worse…brushing it off.  This is why it can be so very hard to open up.  Your anxiety kicks in and you’re so afraid people won’t take you seriously.  Your mind says “Don’t tell them how you really feel…tell them what they want to hear.”

We have to start caring about how WE feel

The point of this post is this: it is okay to tell people you’re not okay.  I need to realise that even though others might not want to hear it, it is perfectly fine for me to say ,”You know…I’m kinda shitty today.”  Those of us who suffer have to start caring about how WE feel.  About what WE think.  We have to tell the truth even if others don’t want to hear it.

My husband’s boss always asks how I am.  Another lady he knows through work also asks how I am.  They know I struggle so I don’t sugarcoat it.  It means a lot that they ask about me because I know they’re being sincere.

There are people who care

Contrary to what your brain tells you, there are people who care.  You may feel like no one cares but please believe me when I say that tricky thought is a big lie your mind is feeding you.  When you’re thinking “They don’t really care about me”, try to tell yourself that people do in fact care.  Recognise that it is not a true thought.  And the next time someone asks you that dreaded question, tell them the truth.

Reproduced with permission, originally published here


1in4 mental health anthology


Was This Post Helpful:

1 votes, 5 avg. rating



  1. The unexpected source of stigma - I am 1 in 4 18th September 2017 at 11:31 am -

    […] places.  Parents who “don’t know what you have to be depressed about”, friends who say, “It’s fine, calm down”, or employers that don’t see why a panic attack gives you the right to stay at home […]

%d bloggers like this: