Adult children of alcoholics
We grow up in a world where alcohol is part of life. We go to weddings, christenings, funerals and other social occasions, and alcohol is readily available. I grew up witnessing my parents and relatives drinking and having fun, and in my thoughts, and probably a lot of other children’s, this was normal life. Drinking is a social way of life.
But what if your parents changed from happy social drinkers to alcoholics? Then like me, you will grow up to become an adult child of alcoholics. Emotionally stuck. Living life as an adult with the emotional responses of a young child, fighting through life with so much pain and darkness inside. Until you finally begin to understand who you are, and heal from the emotional damage that was done living with alcoholic parents.
My mind has never been quiet, just the opposite in fact, and this makes my life counterproductive.
Having the occasional blip and sending my thoughts all over the place like a pinball machine.
What I notice is, I struggle not only to understand what’s going on, but also the people that know me.
Life, especially when what goes on inside someone’s mind, can’t always be explained.
By Erica Stone
Constantly thinking! I mean, literally and generally, thinking about life, and endless possibilities. We are a force to be reckoned with when it comes to thinking up ideas and having an imaginative mind. But in the end, it’s all there is, images and possibilities without results. Ideas that remain locked up inside of you, because you were unable to shine the light on it. Unable to release the beauty within you and drowning in darkness. Thoughts that are processed time and time again, and just like the thoughts we find ourselves trapped as well.
Every move we make is thought over a thousand times before making the one step, that is if we take a step at all. God forbid we do not take that step, because it will become a failure for us to bear. I am the one in four that needs a conquering key, an outlet in which I can spark the power within me. I am Erica Stone.
When Depression comes creeping back into my life like some cold, black cloud, I always try to fight it. I force smiles, try and think happy thoughts, go through the motions of living a”normal”, well adjusted life.
It never works. It gets worse. I have black moods with black thoughts, I cry a lot. I describe it as like falling into a huge, black hole. When I’m in the bottom of the hole I can’t see a light at the top. This is “the bad place.”
This is the place that has the nasty voice that says, “Things are hopeless”, or, “No-one is ever going to want to be with you”, or, “You’re stupid”, or “No-one will care if you’re gone, so just go”. And I believe that voice! I’ve been listening to it for over 20 years. I’ve always been able to find the light and the strength to come out of the hole, the many times I’ve fallen in.
My biggest fear is that one day, I won’t.