By Emma Galligan
30th July 2014 – My demons had taken over my life at that stage.
There was no sense of self or belonging, I was completely lost, in my eyes there was only one option, the worst option a person could take but someone must have been looking out for me…..
31st July 2014 – the hardest day of my life, it was time to tell someone!!!
The flood gates had opened and unfortunately for me this time they wouldn’t stop, I couldn’t hide it anymore. What had been unsaid for so long, my mind and thoughts were pouring out of my eyes, down my face. Each tear like a dagger to my heart having to admit defeat. I needed to tell someone and in my eyes that was the worst possible solution, for fear of them not hearing my plea.
What if I wasn’t worth hearing, what if they didn’t care enough, what if they still couldn’t see the pain. The pain that I pretended was just from a sad person and not a depressed one. I had hid it away so well for so long but my mind, body and soul weren’t able to take it anymore.
To have to see the pain in someone else’s eyes when you tell them you have been so unhappy with yourself you wished you didn’t exist, will forever be etched in my mind. That pain I saw in their eyes, broke my heart. That first nurse I talked to, will be one of the most excruciating memories of my life. To have to, for the first time, answer the questions you never want to be asked and hear your own words out loud, its finally REAL!!!!
You’ve hit rock bottom !!!!
Pillar of Light
And then through the darkness, my pillar of light. My beautiful daughter!!! She saved me at that time from every pain, torture and persecution I had experienced. Instead of hearing my own torment, there was hope… In darkness she became my light, she found me when I lost all hope and saved me from myself.
My darkest days are behind me. Not to say I don’t still have my days where I feel life or my thoughts are overwhelming, but luckily I got to see the light before it was too late.
And the point to all the above is, in times of darkness, look for the light, I promise you it’s there.
Dedicated to my beautiful Freya Eily, My Salvation xxx
Reproduced with permission, originally posted here