By Becca Thorpe
Tired. A word with so many meanings. ‘I’m tired’ could translate as ‘I need to sleep’, but it could also mean ‘I’ve had enough’. I have.
Being tired is exhausting
Every task takes twice the effort of someone who isn’t tired. It’s difficult to do everything you need to do within a day because you are so tired. I’m tired of being tired.
The word itself is so overused. Nobody takes it in the sense that you want things to be different. They see it as ‘tired’. The response is always ‘me too’, but is it really you too? Are you really tired, or just sleepy? I am overwhelmingly tired.
There are probably other words that could be used, but none as simple as ‘tired’. They seem much deeper and don’t describe it as well. That feeling is the hardest to describe without being too deep. I guess ‘tired’ is just less intimidating than ‘depressed’.
When you’ve had enough
I wonder what people would say if they were asked ‘What is depression?’ Some would probably say something really scientific and wordy, others would probably say it’s another word for sadness. Then there are those that assume depression is only that if someone is physically hurting themselves.
Who knows, though? Who really knows what people think? I know what I think. I think depression is a thing. A thing inside your head, eating away at your happiness, trying to drag you down to your lowest point. It affects how you feel and your behaviour, and makes you think ridiculous thoughts. It kills you inside, and it wants you all to itself so it can destroy you completely. It’s a thing, and I hate it.
You clam up
You’re supposed to talk about this thing. It hates that. But that’s harder than it seems. Talking about it makes you an ‘attention seeker’ or ‘selfish’ because you’re ‘pushing your problems on everyone else’. So you clam up. It loves that.
That’s why I’m just tired. Easier to say. Takes less explanation. Escapes the hateful comments. Paint on a smile and if anyone asks ‘what’s wrong?’
I am ‘tired’.