I was admitted into a local Mental Health Hospital and stayed their inpatient for a month. I wish I could say that being there was such a help and got me on the right track, but I’d be lying. The only good thing is I met a good friend out of it that I am still friends with today. Other than that it was a horrific experience. The nurses were mean to us they would provoke us by saying mean things and trying to get us angry then laughing at us and saying they were gonna make us calm down by getting a Thorazine shot and they always made good on their promise of using Thorazine.
It was a bad place. Imagine a room full of sick kids medicated out of there minds all setting around drooling on themselves and being abused by the staff. There was also a nurse who would run our day treatment therapy, he would provoke us and then threaten us with straight jackets and electro-shock therapy. Then there was another nurse who would secretly take pictures of us changing on his phone. Needless to say that the hospital was later sued and shut down. I wish I could say that life turned around after all this, but I’d be lying to you. Life had other things in mind.
A year after my release from the hospital, tragedy struck and I lost my grandma. It hurt me to the very core because I loved her so much and I felt like a part of me died along with her. Two months later my grandpa got sick. He ended up in the hospital in hospice care. I remember when he was in a coma I went to see him and I whispered in his ear that I forgave him for what he did to me and I did and I do forgive him. Being a reborn christian, I learned that forgiveness isn’t for them.. it’s for you.
Unfortunately, three years later I lost my uncle. I loved him very very much and his death took it’s toll on me. I won’t go into total detail but my cousin (his own son) murdered him. Then one year later my cousin, not the murder but another, killed himself. He lost his battle with depression. Then, this year, in February my brother (not blood) was murdered. His death messes with me a lot and made me have a relapse in my depression and anxiety. I had a nervous break down shortly after his funeral and I’m currently still trying to work through all of this. I will make it, it is just going to take a while. I know it’s going to take a lot of prayer, work and soul searching but I will make it.
I’m sorry for this passage being so long, it’s just this is the first time I have ever told my story. This is the first time anyone was interested in hearing it. I wanna say, thank you stranger. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Just know you are not alone.
It took me years of soul searching and lots of prayer to find out who I really am and to come to terms with my illnesses. There have been times where I wanted to just end my life and throw in the towel but by the grace of God and a lot of self acceptance I learned that that is never an option and I was worth it. I deserve to live a happy life and nothing was going to come in between myself and my road to happiness. I’m a mother now and I have a whole new outlook. If I can leave you with one piece of honest advice it would be this, Don’t give up on today, because you never know what tomorrow may bring. Shalom Stranger.