What no one tells you to expect, one year after a suicide attempt…

By Samantha Jones

This time last year I was at the bridge ready to jump but suddenly, with no warning, strangers jumped out their car and pulled me back to safety.

I hear you ask many questions, why? Where? How could you? But that’s not why I’m writing this, as there are many suicide attempt survivors that could give you these answers but for me personally, it’s the what next?…

When total strangers come to your rescue and literally ‘save your life’, then the next minute you are being admitted into a psychiatric hospital, they don’t tell you how to cope with this traumatic experience that you essentially put yourself in. One thing that got me is when I was admitted last year they didn’t tell me how to deal with the anniversary of this attempt. They didn’t give me the skills to use (like they do with an anniversary of someone’s death), they didn’t give me the skills to use if it happens again, but most of all they didn’t address the issue of why I got in that place to begin with. I now know that emotions change so fast, they don’t last forever, although it may seem like that at the time, trust me they do change.

This anniversary has been such a tough one, with so many memories brought up, most of them I didn’t even anticipate them being brought to surface.

However I have dealt with them in my own way…

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I have talked about this anniversary just like any other anniversary; allowed my emotions to flow, whether it was thankful to be alive or upset that I had made a huge mistake attempting to take my own life. However, I have also done for others, as those that saved me did on that day last year. I am forever thankful to those complete strangers, for giving me the chance to live, to breathe but most of all to accept that there is kindness and generosity of others in this world.

If you are anticipating a future suicide attempt anniversary I would offer you this piece of advice: allow- allow yourself to grieve just like you would any other anniversary but also allow yourself to embrace life and the opportunities it throws at you.

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