Keeping to Myself

By Anonymous

A common fear I face is talking about almost anything to others, especially when it’s a sensitive topic.

Even just asking where something is, or admitting that I actually don’t know what I’m doing.

It’s so scary to me because I mentally run through situations and how they could pan out. It’s always the worst-case scenario that comes to mind, this being the reason that I clam up, and it always does more bad than good.

It’s pretty much a vicious cycle that I refuse to break because of how nervous I get thinking about ‘just talking to someone.’ The amount of times I’ve panicked, stayed silent and become unbelievably embarrassed when everything​ goes completely sideways is countless.

A good example of this would be during a PowerPoint presentation that we all had to do for English in secondary school (which was already terrifying for me to being with). As I was called up, I sat by the desk, ducked down to put my USB drive in, and suddenly realised I had no idea where I needed to put it. Because I was too scared to ask, I stayed under there for a solid three minutes until someone asked what I was doing, and then helped me after I had become flustered.

To summarise, this constant fear has controlled me and my actions for years and I just want to let anyone else who is battling their own thoughts on a daily basis know that you’re doing fantastically well, keep going and please don’t push away loved ones – just let them know when you need space and I’m sure they will respect that.

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