By Kaitlyn Maxfield
How do you go about telling someone you need help when you don’t quite believe it yourself?
When you are so vulnerable and low, that you feel like nothing is real any more? Like your reality is a dark cloud or a slow-motion black-and-white movie.
Imagine yourself sitting inside a small, cramped soundproof box with black tinted windows; you can see people walking past you completely unaware as to what is on the inside, yet they cannot hear your cries.
This is what depression feels like.
When I’m at my complete worst, I pull away from the world and disappear.
It feels like utter emptiness – a physical pain dragging my body and my mind into the ground and holding me down. This weight feels like several tonnes.
I might stare at a spot on the wall for an hour. I lose myself in dark thoughts, or just blankness, my mind channelling the emptiness that my whole body feels daily.
That’s hard to snap out of, regardless of how many times people tell me to “Snap out of it!” “Cheer up!” or “Smile a bit more!”
I would, if I could. But I can’t.
You see, I’ve spent a lot of time being on bad terms with my own mind. We’ve had our disagreements and we still don’t get along and it’s a very difficult thing to just ‘snap out’ of a mental state that you’ve been so comfortable in for so long.
With mental illnesses like these, the main things that they thrive on are secrecy and isolation so the more you hide away and push people away the more you will suffer in the long run.
From my own experiences I’ve found that being honest and open with people is one of the best ways of helping me move forward with my depression, as well as my eating disorder. The more you push yourself and talk about it, the more support you will receive, and the illness can no longer thrive on the isolation you once gave it.
I find honesty is the best medicine.
At the beginning of my downward spiral I felt extremely alone. Although I had my family around me who understood and supported me, I didn’t know anyone who was going through the same thing as me. Since opening up to people and writing blog posts like this I have found out that there are many people who are going through the exact same thing.
I always tell people to never be ashamed. Mental health is just as important as physical health! It takes so much energy out of you and it’s so exhausting battling with your own mind every day. The stigma around mental health is harmful, but you’re better than that. We all are. You know what it’s really like.
Together, we can overcome all the negative talk around having a mental health problem.
If you’re reading this and haven’t reached out for help yet, I understand you’re struggling at the moment, even though you might not admit it, but just remember that so many people out there care about you. The only person you’re being dishonest to is yourself. The only person who can make that important step to recovery is yourself.
So be brave, take a deep breath, everything is going to be okay.
Lots of love,
Reproduced with permission, originally published here
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