Hello again my Dear Old Friend

By Anonymous

Whispering sweet nothings of pain,
Which turn to screams in my brain,

You’re a thief, you bring night, bring strife,
You steal joy, happiness, light and all life,

You break me, you beat me, you show me the edge,
Then you whisper the reasons I’d be better off dead,

You tell me I’m lacking, that I’m fill-the-blank-less,
Then you find the solution – that I cease to exist,

I’m hurting, I’m breaking, but it’s never enough,
You ask for the blood, for the pain, for the cuts,

I’m hollow and empty, there’s none left when you’ve gone,
You’ve enslaved me again and your dirty work’s done,

And then I’m left waiting, alone when you’re gone.

But I know you’ll be back, it only makes sense,
You’re the constant, the comfort, my only defence,

When I’m weary and lonely, in need of a friend,
I know you’ll be waiting right through to our end,

I know you’re not leaving, won’t take the gun from my head,
‘Cause you’re here to ensure I’m no burden, though I long to be dead.

So thank you my friend, I’m a failure I know,
I’m useless, I’m worthless, but I want you to know,

I’m no longer alone, you’re not gone, even so,
Loved ones tell me I’m worth it, but low, so low,

I’m sorry my friend, but I know that you lie,
And I pray and I hope to do more than survive,

You’re there still, you’re a constant, you’ll never forgive,
But on days when you’re gone I am learning to live,

When you tell me to kill me I’ll try to resist,
Because perhaps it’s you who should cease to exist.

But we come together, we’re one, you and I,
And maybe one day we will see eye to eye,

It’s scary, this blackness but I now realise,
That the scariest thing lies behind my disguise.
Beneath it lies you, dark friend, and I,
For neither can say the final ‘goodbye..

Reproduced with permission, originally published here

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