Year 3 minus the pills

By Barb Commodore

Three years ago in the New Year of 2014 I quit anti-depressants and alcohol cold turkey. Mind you, I was also newly immersed in a phase of using marijuana to self-medicate.
I had actually been neglecting to take the anti-depressants every day for several months but wasn’t aware of any psychological changes during this time period. There probably were but I wasn’t aware. My therapist did mention one day that “coming down is a bitch”, so I question my memories of that time period.

Fast forward to today, and looking back, I realize how out of character I had been behaving. In November 2013, I was also going through a 7-year relationship breakup. I was mean-spirited, vindictive, suspicious, unforgiving, paranoid, and all this came with an unsettling superiority complex. I use the word ‘unsettling’ because it may have been there before (within me) but in this time of upheaval, it shone brightly and I did and said some hurtful things.

How-some-ever, 3 years hence, I think I’ve finally leveled out and my mind has cleared but I continue to use weed to calm myself.

It may be of interest or have some bearing on my actions that I was doctor medicated for most of my adult life. I’m 68 years old now and my doctor started me on anti-depressants in my early twenties. I tried coming down off them a couple times throughout the years, but always went back on them to regulate my moods.

I feel I’ve wasted my whole life because those pills made me unfeeling, uncaring and I had little to no interest in participating in living life to the fullest.

I’m not advocating weed as a replacement for these meds, but this is what is now working for me. I will never live in a world of haze again.

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