Coming to the end of therapy for depression and anxiety through CBT I had convinced myself I was getting better, I was getting there, I’m cured!! Good times right? Well no..
About two weeks after I thought this I found myself struggling again, getting up in the morning was painful and the thoughts of suicide were back. My medication that was working for my anxiety wasn’t working any longer or at least it didn’t feel that way. There I was, at night in bed trembling, feeling sick, ruminating and worrying then staring at the ceiling not feeling anything. Because of this I went down a new route, self harm.
I hate anxiety, I hate depression, I hate cutting, honestly I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. It was so frightening to be here again.
Luckily I still had a few therapy sessions left (they’ve since been extended because my therapist is uneasy discharging me while I’m self harming). He explained that this happens, it’s common to relapse. Since then I’ve come to realise something…
Although therapy and Medication have helped, I’m still not perfect, my brain is still ill but I can cope far better than I used to. I still have down days and that’s ok. I can accept that because I know I’m not alone in this, I haven’t failed and neither have you. Relapse is quite normal.
I’ll finish with this. If you feel like you’ve failed yourself and everyone around you by falling back into depression, anxiety, self harming or any other symptom of a mental illness after so much effort and work just know you’re not alone, keep working hard to get through, the effort is worth it. I promise.
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