By Daydreaming Mum
I know, I know. 10 points to the lady stating the bloody obvious! Next blog to be entitled ‘Reasons pulling out your own teeth hurts a little bit’. Stay with me though .
Obviously anxiety is a horrid, annoying , debilitating condition. If it were fun everyone would want a piece of it. I’d sit thinking aaaww I’ve not had an anxiety attack in AGES, hurry along next one.
I know how rubbish it is and I’m not trying to make light of it I promise. It’s just I always feel better when I write things down and if I can’t inject a bit of humour into a terrible time then I’m just not me.
Maybe someone can even relate to the 7 reasons anxiety sucks (for me)
Nothing like thinking of one billion reasons you’re about to die RIGHT NOW to tire you out. Fretting over different ways you could get hurt or ill or injured is shattering. It’s like your brain is on spin cycle and then when it eventually slows to a stop you’re way too tired to enjoy it and bed is the only option.
The physical symptoms are often hard to explain
Someone once told me that at least I knew that my anxiety was ‘all in my head’ (shut up ignoramus indeed). Thing is when you’re at the shops or stood in the school playground or have met up with someone for tea and cake and someone asks if you’re OK it’s tricky to answer in the grip of an anxious period. The answer “No , not really my brain is telling me I’m about to choke to death on this piece of cake , my face has gone totally numb, I can’t catch my breath and I’ve a terrible tummy pain” never feels appropriate. Generally ‘I’m fine’ just pops out.
It makes you into a contradictory idiot
When I’m feeling anxious generally what I want to do is go to bed, pull the duvet over my head and avoid all human interaction and physical contact. Trouble is simultaneously ALL I want is human interaction and physical contact. So that keeps things nice and simple eh?
It’s like having a conversation with a drunk person
You know when you’re stone cold sober and around someone who isn’t? They generally talk nonsense and go off on tangents on an irritating loop (obviously if you’re also drunk they’re incredibly funny and witty, as are you ).
When I’m anxious my thoughts are like ramblings of a drunk. “I’m so tired. I wish I could breathe like a normal person. I hope no one breaks into my house and kidnaps me. My chest hurts. I’m a terrible mum. Terrorists though?.We’re all gong to die. Did I pull the plugs out?”…on repeat.
I can’t read books during an anxious phase
Simply can’t concentrate. I don’t need to detail how rubbish that is for a bookworm like me.
My phone becomes my worst enemy
When small girl is at her daddy’s I’ll text to ask how she is (disguising the anxiety perfectly obviously) I’ll then be looking at my phone a million times a second waiting for the reply. Why hasn’t he answered? What if something terrible has happened to them? I’ll glance at my phone again. 6:01 pm, still no reply. Bloody hell what time did I send the text? 6:00!!
My appetite suffers
As much as I could do to lose a few pounds, when I’m feeling rubbishy anxious what I really want is soothing comfort. A virtual hug (on account I don’t like real ones. Read more about my hug related nuttiness here). Where’s the best place for me to find soothing comfort though? Bottom of a bag of chips is where! Bloody anxiety.
So I’m really not recommending anxiety as a thrilling rollercoaster ride (similar though the terror, heart palpitations and breathlessness may be). It sucks. Hard.
I’m lucky that I no longer suffer very often and I’m an old enough hand at it to know it will pass.
There’s a silver lining though…
People can make you feel better. Most people are kind when you talk to them about it. You’ll always get the people who roll their eyes at the mention of the anxiety word, but those people are not the ones to surround yourself with. This weekend I had a bit of a ‘moment’. My lovely Facebook friends came to the rescue with advice and words so soothing they were like a cyberspace hair stroke.
In a nutshell:
Anxiety is rubbish
The people I know are gorgeously wonderful humans.
Reproduced with permission, originally published here