by Mary Jane Millman Sanford
Well. Where do I begin, from a young age, roughly 10, I cried every day, got angry threw things around. Would kick, scream, pinch, bite and start fights with younger kids, for no reason leave marks on them.
My mum always said I was too weak as I cried every day and I need to man up. My temper/crying was due to hormones, I begged her to take me to doctors, I said it time and time again this isn’t normal im sad all the time.
So I went to live my life as I thought nothing was wrong with me. I would cry at random times, I would cry over anything. I would be rude to my friends for no reason, I would shut people out but get so angry if they walked away.
I would always be paranoid that my friends would be talking about me. My friends say your attitude is bad we can’t be friends with you no more. My mum/family would say im a horrible person.
I had boyfriends, I would want reassurance 24/7, I would say do you really like me or are you going to leave me and when they said good things I wouldn’t believe them, so they gave up on me.
I realised none of this.
So at 23 now I have now been with my current boyfriend 1 year and 4 months. At the start of our relationship I would get angry every day and abuse him. I am still having episodes where I hurt him which deeply hurts me, in the moment I have no idea what I have done to him.
I Would cry for no reason, be sad within seconds after being so happy. Would start going mad when I had to go out with or without him as I was scared of the world.
He took me to the doctors got me the help I needed. I have had group therapy, anger management and going through the process to get 1-2-1 help. When I need to cry he will just hold me until I have stopped crying, when I am angry he just try’s his hardest to hold me as tight as possible as eventually the tears will come.
It’s hard for both of us, there is still a lot of work I need to put in to maintain my moods but he is sticking by me, getting me through this.