For anyone who suffers with borderline personality disorder, depression and anxiety

by Mary Jane Millman Sanford

Well. Where do I begin, from a young age, roughly 10, I cried every day, got angry threw things around. Would kick, scream, pinch, bite and start fights with younger kids, for no reason leave marks on them.

My mum always said I was too weak as I cried every day and I need to man up. My temper/crying was due to hormones, I begged her to take me to doctors, I said it time and time again this isn’t normal im sad all the time.

So I went to live my life as I thought nothing was wrong with me. I would cry at random times, I would cry over anything. I would be rude to my friends for no reason, I would shut people out but get so angry if they walked away.

I would always be paranoid that my friends would be talking about me. My friends say your attitude is bad we can’t be friends with you no more. My mum/family would say im a horrible person.

I had boyfriends, I would want reassurance 24/7, I would say do you really like me or are you going to leave me and when they said good things I wouldn’t believe them, so they gave up on me.

I realised none of this.

So at 23 now I have now been with my current boyfriend 1 year and 4 months. At the start of our relationship I would get angry every day and abuse him. I am still having episodes where I hurt him which deeply hurts me, in the moment I have no idea what I have done to him.

I Would cry for no reason, be sad within seconds after being so happy. Would start going mad when I had to go out with or without him as I was scared of the world.

He took me to the doctors got me the help I needed. I have had group therapy, anger management and going through the process to get 1-2-1 help. When I need to cry he will just hold me until I have stopped crying, when I am angry he just try’s his hardest to hold me as tight as possible as eventually the tears will come.

It’s hard for both of us, there is still a lot of work I need to put in to maintain my moods but he is sticking by me, getting me through this.


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  1. insanehorsegirllover 30th March 2017 at 1:37 am - Reply

    I also live with Depression, Anxiety have BPD, ADD/ADHD and I know how it feels to go through it some of what you wrote feels the same for me… I’m new to all this blogging if you have any pointers can you let me know I’m so scared to do it all but want to. Also what is 1-2-1 help? Also if you have any questions you may ask me, I have a lot more problems as well not just mental but physically… your a strong person keep fighting

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